Corpusfishing.com

gotmullet? · Posted: Thu Nov 24, 2011 7:38 pm Post subject: Post your Joke Time :)

So there was this guy on the beach with a bucket of lobsters. A game warden approached him and told him it was against the law to catch lobsters on the beachfront. The guy said, "oh no, I didn't catch these here. These are my pet lobsters. Everyday I bring them to the beach and let them swim a bit and then I whistle for them and they come crawl back in the bucket and we go home"! The warden didn't believe him, so the guy asked if he wanted to see. "Sure" says the warden. So the guy throws the lobsters in the beach. They waited a minute then the warden asked when he was going to whistle for the lobsters to come back. The guy says, "WHAT LOBSTERS??"!!!
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"Do not call my Jeep a Car ever again "

SharkBait · Posted: Thu Nov 24, 2011 7:56 pm Post subject:

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http://www.youtube.com/user/Shark456Bait/featured
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Mullet · Horse Mullet Joined: 07 Aug 2011 Posts: 100

A horse walks into a bar.. Bartender says ''why the long face?''

Big Sherm · Horse Mullet Joined: 22 Mar 2006 Posts: 208

Obama's aproval rating is so low, even the Kenyans say he was born in America.
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B.O.H.I.C.A. buddy

Chef Lefty · Posted: Tue Nov 29, 2011 1:50 pm Post subject:

Two men walked into a bar.

You would think at least one of them would have ducked.
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landlocked beachbum · Posted: Wed Nov 30, 2011 11:37 am Post subject:

An oldie but oh so goody, and even more fitting today than back when........
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uMyjgFj9gwM
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Dave

"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has it's limits". Albert Einstein

Chef Lefty · Posted: Wed Dec 07, 2011 8:05 am Post subject:

I pointed to two old drunks sitting across the bar from us and told my
friend.

"That's us in 10 years".

He said, "That's a mirror, dip-wad!
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Tyler · Site Admin Joined: 06 Mar 2006 Posts: 12865

ccbobber · Posted: Wed Dec 07, 2011 4:50 pm Post subject: joke

and the oldest one of all: did you hear about the three holes in the ground?

well
well
well
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ccbobber

landlocked beachbum · Posted: Sat Dec 10, 2011 9:18 pm Post subject:

Bob, that HAS to be an old Vaudeville line! Cool

Like many of those used by the Three Stooges and Rodney Dangerfield. One of Rodney's most used quips when he started his schtick about what had been happening lately:
"Take my wife, PLEASE!!!! " Laughing

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Dave

"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has it's limits". Albert Einstein

Chef Lefty · Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2011 12:49 pm Post subject:

A cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street, when a little girl On her new shiny bike stopped beside him.
'Nice bike,' the cop said. 'Did Santa bring it to you?'
'Yes Sir,' the little girl said, 'he sure did!'
The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5 ticket for a safety violation.
The cop said, 'Give this to your Dad, and next year, tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it!'
The young girl looked up at the cop and said, 'Nice horse you've got there Sir.
Did Santa bring it to you?'
Playing along with the girl, he chuckled and answered, 'Yes, he sure did!'
The little girl looked up at the cop and said:
'Next year tell Santa -
The d**k goes underneath the horse, not on top'!!!
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Capt Mike Singleterry · Full Grown Flour Bluffian Joined: 07 Mar 2006 Posts: 2728

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are
things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and
now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm
while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said , 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No , I just lie there.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis , does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do..
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes , voodoo.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor , isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep , he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you kidding me?
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: WHAT???
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I
get a new attorney?
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on
dead people?
WITNESS: All of them.. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral , OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________

And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when
you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law.

I really need to find something to do today. Very Happy

Mike

Capt Mike Singleterry · Full Grown Flour Bluffian Joined: 07 Mar 2006 Posts: 2728

[img]

It was announced today that BuckWheat, of Our Gang fame, has converted to The Muslim Faith and changed his name to.....
"Kareem of Wheat"

I just hope he doesn't become a cereal killer!

( I don't care who you are.....that's funny) Very Happy

Waldo even liked this one. Very Happy

Mike

Chef Lefty · Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2011 3:34 pm Post subject:

Capt. Mike....Please STOP!! Laughing

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texancare · Posted: Tue Dec 13, 2011 5:28 pm Post subject:

A west texas cowboy got married and moved to the big city. He finally found a small bar he was comfortable with and started going there every friday. He would order three mugs of beer at a time. The bartender said he would bring em one at a time so they would be colder at whitch the old cowboy explained that he told his two brothers back home he would allway's drink a beer with them on friday night. Well one night he came in and only orderd two beers and sat down. The bartender came over to offer his condolences. " Oh no," the cowboy said " My brothers are fine, it's just my wife and I joined the Church and I had to give up drinking, but they didn't"! Wink

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Danny